Saturday, January 18, 2014

Just don't quote me the unemployment rate...

It's January. New year, new job. I hope. I'm job hunting again. This time around, I'm a lot luckier than before: I have some solid experience under my belt, I've finished my PhD, and our household cash flow is decent, so I don't have to grab the first job that comes my way. But the whole experience has me thinking a lot about what jobs are and what they mean today.

I think in a lot of ways, our parents were a lot tougher and more patient than we are. I say this, having left a very good, solid, dependable job because it made me deeply unhappy. I suspect that thirty years ago, that kind of decision would have been unthinkable. I know I made the right decision, but it does have me thinking a lot about what it is that we want from our jobs, and whether we have the right to expect it. Is it reasonable to want to find a job that makes me happy?

And while I look for that elusive job feeding rainbows to unicorns, I ostensibly have the time to do all the things that I haven't been able to do over the last few years, when I've been steadily working 40, sometimes 50 or even 60 hours a week. I used to say I wanted to take a year off to write. Well, I can do that now, but every time I sit down at my keyboard, I immediately end up on CareerBeacon, browsing the jobs there.

Maybe I'm being hard on myself. Maybe I'm being realistic. I'm not really sure. Either way, as scary and frustrating as this experience is, it's making me think hard about some of the assumptions I've always had about life and work, and that's a good thing. So here are some of the things I've been thinking about. I'm going to present them in a bulleted list just because I likes me a good bulleted list.


  • Jobs and self-worth: When I was a secretary, I worried a lot about my job title. I imaged that people were judging me for working in an administrative position. And maybe they were. But one of the best takeaways from my prestigious-sounding job that made me very, very unhappy is this lesson: other people's assessment of the worth of my career is deeply unimportant. 
  • Job-me and social-me: I've spent a lot of time trying to keep those separate. Trent manages that separation very well, and I admire him for it. But my last job didn't work mainly because it wasn't suited to my personality: it entailed a lot of long hours working alone on the computer. I've come to realize that I need to feel personally fulfilled by my work. I need to be around people. I need to work around people. 
  • Bad days and frustrating days: My best friend has an incredibly difficult job working with women in trouble with the law. Many of these women are depressed, desperate, and hopeless. A bad day of work for my friend often includes a tragedy. But she's extraordinarily good at her job, and accounting for the worst days, she finds the position tremendously rewarding. So here's what I need to learn from her: first, there will always be frustrating days at work. Second, a frustrating work day is not the end of the world. And third, no matter how many frustrating work days there are, we all should find a way to feel that on balance, our work matters. 
  • A job is never going to make me happy: A lot of people count on finding a romantic partner that will make them happy. That doesn't work. Me, I've been counting on finding a job that will make me happy, and that won't work, either. I need to stop looking outside of myself for happiness and learn to appreciate what I have. It's hard, but I'm working on it. 
I know that job hunting with my particular skill set and education may take a while. I'm working on being patient. And in the meantime, I'm also working on becoming the kind of person who's going to do well at my next job--not only perform well, but also be well, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. I'm working on developing better personal habits: while I'm unemployed, I'm staying away from the television (at least during the day. I'm making a point of leaving the house and interacting with people. This choice means showering daily, which my husband appreciates. I'm exercising, and I'm writing. I may not get a job right away--I'm prepared for that. But I'm refusing to let myself become depressed or anxious about the whole thing. I'm looking for a job, not waiting for my life to begin. I'm already living my life. A job is just one part of it.