Friday, May 27, 2011

Classing Up the Joint

I was in a Halifax nightclub the other day—one of those shiny, bubblegum spots that cater to the barely- (or not-quite-) legal crowds, and that change their name and décor more often than most of us change underwear. It wasn’t a night out; the club was serving as a lunch hall for a movie I was doing background in. This place had, at its entrance, just to the right of the bar, a rather peculiar focal point: a large, billboard ad for the morning-after pill. It’s one of those jokey ads, a touch risqué and just a little wry. Its slogan, “Oh no.”
I was offended when I realized what I was looking at. Really? A huge ad for backup birth control within reach of the beer taps? Ick, right? The little-l-liberal in me immediately reacted, suggested I was being prudish, maybe even a little sexist. After all, women have a right to decide how to regulate their bodies.
I should clarify my opinion on the position. I absolutely and unequivocally support a woman’s right to decide how to manage her body and her fertility. I am pro-choice, and I think that women have the same right as men to decide when, how, and with whom they’re going to have sex. I bristle when I hear the word “slut,” and I despise the notion that women who are sexually aggressive, voracious, or even (and I hesitate to use the word) promiscuous are any more objectionable than men who behave the same way. But that’s not to say that I don’t find some behaviours—by women or men—objectionable.
I explain with another story. Last week, I was on a different movie set. Dewar, the Manitoba judge whose remarks seem to shift the blame for a sexual assault from the rapist onto the victim came up. And, of course, someone began to defend the judge and the rapist. “Don’t get me wrong,” the guy explained, he wasn’t defending rape, but “you know the kind of attention a woman wearing a super-short skirt is going to get in a club.” I’ve never really learned to temper the expression of my opinion, so my reply was pretty… snappish, shrewish, bitchy, shrill—choose your gendered adjective. I defended my right to wear whatever I want without fear of sexual violence, and concluded my tirade with, as I remember it, “and you can think what you want of me when I’m wearing that skirt, but anyone who’s not a criminal is not going to rape me after I say no.”
I don’t want to have a discussion on what constitutes a refusal. I think we—and the law—have been pretty clear on the topic. No means no. That’s all. Nothing justifies rape, ever. Ever. But—but—I do judge women who dress in what I think is an overtly provocative fashion. Particularly in certain contexts. In the middle of the day, for instance. Or at work.
Of course, I’ve been known to dress in a way that makes me look and feel sexually attractive. Most of the time, in fact. I have more than one short skirt and low-cut top in my closet. I don’t think that makes me a hypocrite. Whatever I wear, I wear it in a way that—I hope –communicates my sense of self confidence and self worth. II believe that there’s a difference in presenting yourself as sexy, and presenting yourself as a sexual object. And, like pornography, the latter is hard to define, but I know it when I see it.
I don’t pretend to be an arbiter of taste or propriety. I recognize that the line stands in a different place for different people. For some Muslim women, for instance, that line is showing their hair or even their face in public. That’s not antimodern or antifeminist, in my opinion. After all, I have a line, too. As my reaction to women whom I think have crossed it proves. I think that line has a lot to do with self respect, and refusing to make it easy for people to throw around words like slut or see me as nothing more than a sexual object. But I will defend every woman’s right to decide for herself where that line is, or whether it’s even important.
And that line brings me back to that nightclub poster, and my reaction to it. Yes, we sometimes make choices that aren’t in our best interest. Yes, we have a right to do our best to mitigate the effects of our bad decisions. Yes, products like the morning after pill help women to manage their sexuality in a responsible and empowering manner. But… should we plan to make bad choices?
The poster is positioned strategically. It’s huge, and you can see it from the dance floor, and from the bar. I’d go so far as to suggest that it seems to encourage irresponsible behavior.
Yup, I said it. Irresponsible. Because we should be responsible with our bodies. After all, we only get one. When we’re responsible to ourselves, we lead healthy lives, and that means caring for and protecting our bodies.
But that responsibility goes double for sexual health. Because—unless we’re planning on a life of celibacy, our sexual choices might impact someone else later on. According to some estimates, half of North Americans will have a sexually transmitted infection at some point. Some are curable. Others are merely treatable. And they might also affect ourselves later on, as we make decisions about fertility and parenting.
I’m not expecting myself or anyone else to be infallible. Everybody’s gonna make a bad choice sometimes. We have that right. And we’re lucky enough to live at a time when our mistakes don’t have to impact the rest of our lives the way they might have in the past. Many STDs are easily treated. And even the ones that you’re stuck with forever are manageable. The world doesn’t end if you contract a sexually transmitted infection, or have an unplanned pregnancy. But—wouldn’t you rather avoid it where you can?
So. There it is. My problem with that ad. To me, it’s encouraging irresponsible behavior with the suggestion that mistakes can be fixed. No problem—make that bad decision. This bar’s got your back. Have one more cocktail, have unprotected sex, and worry about the hangover tomorrow. Call me crazy, but wouldn’t it be better to plan ahead? Just a little?
Hey, dodgy nightclub, how’s about you relace that tacky “Oh no” poster with a nice ad for condoms? Class up the joint a touch!